The evil overlord is dead.
While one can never count a 'good' evil overlord out, Gar appears to be taking his dirt nap pretty seriously right now.
You can stay tuned, but don't hold your breath.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Career Crisis, or, Getting back on the (High) Horse, or the Power of Negative Thinking
I apologize, my minions, for such a long delay between posts. I know that some of you have been bereft without my guidance, and I would pity you, except for the whole 'pitiless' image that I must maintain -- though not for my own benefit- oh, no. An aspirational figure must always look beyond his own petty concerns and preferences. And so I must inform you that any botched attempts you made at world domination in my absence were doomed to fail due to the fact that I'm so super and you're so stupid. You should have waited for me to return.
I do, however, have a confession to make. After my arch-nemesis (Hamish the Asphyxiated) expired, it was as if a void opened up in my life. After months of planning and plotting and assorted maneuverings, I have to say I lost faith in the power of evil when Hamish was taken from my clutches. Life seemed almost pointless. I became Gar the Despondent.
However, just this morning I had a dark epiphany! I learned to see what I at first deemed a serious mishap in an entirely new light. I call it the Power of Negative Thinking.
My entire (and considerable - one might even say godlike) will was fixed on Hamish's death for months: How could the universe fail to see what had become an inevitability? Why should I be surprised that Fate or Chance heeded the titanic pressure put to bear upon it by none other than yours truly? Hamish's fate was not an interruption of my plans; oh no. The olive that blocked his windpipe, turned his face blue and had him convulsing on the carpet was nothing less than a physical manifestation of my unalloyed negative thinking! Destiny chose to do my dirty work for me, fearing my awesome powers. I would stand in awe of myself, were it not for the fact that I would then share that trait with you quislings.
With my shaken self-conviction now unshakeable, I will return to perfecting the art of Total Domination (TM) . In fact, you are permitted to wait patiently for my forthcoming book, tentatively titled "The Awesome Power of Negative Thinking" by yours truly. In fact, you are allowed send me large amounts of money to secure your copy.
I do, however, have a confession to make. After my arch-nemesis (Hamish the Asphyxiated) expired, it was as if a void opened up in my life. After months of planning and plotting and assorted maneuverings, I have to say I lost faith in the power of evil when Hamish was taken from my clutches. Life seemed almost pointless. I became Gar the Despondent.
However, just this morning I had a dark epiphany! I learned to see what I at first deemed a serious mishap in an entirely new light. I call it the Power of Negative Thinking.
My entire (and considerable - one might even say godlike) will was fixed on Hamish's death for months: How could the universe fail to see what had become an inevitability? Why should I be surprised that Fate or Chance heeded the titanic pressure put to bear upon it by none other than yours truly? Hamish's fate was not an interruption of my plans; oh no. The olive that blocked his windpipe, turned his face blue and had him convulsing on the carpet was nothing less than a physical manifestation of my unalloyed negative thinking! Destiny chose to do my dirty work for me, fearing my awesome powers. I would stand in awe of myself, were it not for the fact that I would then share that trait with you quislings.
With my shaken self-conviction now unshakeable, I will return to perfecting the art of Total Domination (TM) . In fact, you are permitted to wait patiently for my forthcoming book, tentatively titled "The Awesome Power of Negative Thinking" by yours truly. In fact, you are allowed send me large amounts of money to secure your copy.
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