My apologies for the lengthy delay between posts. We had an eensie weensie coup attempt, and I found myself briefly housed in my own Pit of Doom. Then there was the escape, the destruction of the enemy, the burning and pillaging of sympathiser villages, the days upon days of racking my brains for ingenious and ironic tortures.... In other words, life sometimes interferes with higher pursuits. One must always be on guard against the daily grind. And traitors.
In any case, today I offer only one small, albeit key bit of advice concerning the mindset of an evil overlord, brought to mind when the rebels dropped me down the Pit of Doom: Always think ahead. They didn't. If they had, they might have asked themselves if I had ever actually dispatched an enemy in this fashion.
While they would have come up with many rumours to that effect, if they'd bothered to track them down they would have found that it had always happened to a friend's brother's uncle or some such. Because, really, why would I have a humping big hole in the floor of my throne room, where I might accidentally fall in, never to return? In actuality the Pit is a rather nicely furnished studio apartment, complete with running water and an extensively stocked pantry. And an escape tunnel. And my reserve Army of the Undead.
Having the Pit is a good (meaning fear-inducing) PR move, and it usually keeps my minions in line, knowing they might be tossed in if they displease me. In actuality, I get rid of enemies in far less spectacular, and far more efficient ways.
And so should you.
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2 comments:
I have found a crown jewel in this blog, I know a few aspiring evil overlords so I'll be sure to tell them about your community service.
I have questions about your army of the undead. What's the upkeep on that? Are they skeletons animated only by a call to arms or are they zombies demanding brains or worse zombies that do nothing but howl? Did you buy this army through mercenary channels, some sort of
E(vil)-bay? Or did you conjure them yourself?
tigrmachine-
Gar has asked me to inform you that he does indeed keep a skeleton army, as they require very little maintenance and no pay of any sort, replacement parts are readily available, and the army is easily stored when not required.
Gar also recommends that you never ever outsource your Army of Doom. He did indeed conjure them himself, and will write on it as time and conquest permits.
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