There is no I in team. Perforce, Evil Overlords do not have teams.

In the previous post, it was asked where I stand on begging for my life. This is an interesting question, and one that bears looking at in some detail.

For the vast majority of Evil Overlords, utter domination is not simply handed them on a plate (more on this in a post to come). Most of us struggle, fight, claw, backstab and poison our way to the top. It is a singular profession, a solitary calling, and partnerships are doomed to degenerate into bloody, non-revenue generating, tax base destroying civil wars. Three may rule a kingdom, if two are dead.

With that in mind, I am not ashamed to admit that my career has not been without its periods of setback. When you can rely only on yourself, it is almost a certainty that you will at one time or another be captured by the enemy, double crossed, etc., especially in your early days. The thing to remember when you have fallen into the clutches of an adversary is that the most important person in the entire world is you. Anything- absolutely anything- is acceptable if it leads to a positive outcome regarding your continued existence.

Some may call it megalomania, this idea that I am the most important person in the universe. I call it enlightened self-interest. I call it that, because I have an utter certainty that if I cease to exist, then all of you little people disappear. Now I might be wrong, but is it really worth it to take the chance? I think not.

So. When captured by an adversary and tortured, threatened with torture, or even looked at in an especially unfriendly way, I say and do anything that has the slightest chance of continuing my existence. I would (and have) sold my own mother into slavery in such situations. I mean, I always buy her back at a later date, and the first time I was faced with being impaled on a sharpened stake. And because she's my mother, she's somewhat obliged to forgive me. Best of both worlds, really.

Finally, the thing an Evil Overlord must always remember, no matter how deeply our pride or vanity might be wounded, is that words are just a bit of air we press out of our lungs across our vocal cords, while a sharpened stake through the abdomen is, well, a sharpened stake through the abdomen. And once you're in the grave, it's incredibly difficult to wreak your revenge. Especially if you are forced to wear a girdle keep your innards from falling out.

Evil Overlord Mantra When Captured by an Adversary:

I am the most important me I will ever have.