Evil Opportunity Employer

It is with no little contempt that I view those who aspire to Total Domination who, through an accident of birth or fortune, already hold high position in life. You know the sort. The Parricidal Princes, The Grand Viziers, The Dowager Empresses. For some reason we are supposed to applaud their 'cunning', when they've done the political equivalent of stepping from a scented bath into a warm robe held out by a servant. Bah.

Myself, I come from a long line of dirt farmers. Literally. Our lands were cursed, and could grow nothing. We also had a good sideline in stones. Due to the curse-induced seismic and meteorological activity, however much we dug out of the frozen, snow covered ground the day before, more was there the next day, awaiting the pick axes and shovels.

Being the youngest of thirteen, it was decided I was to have an education. Which was better than wielding a shovel, but also meant that, due to the curse, I had to walk ten miles to school and back each day in the snow, uphill, both ways. I like to think the experience toughened me for the travails inherent in the uphill climb towards Total Domination.

The point here is that Evil, unlike 'Good', is egalitarian and meritocratic. It cares nothing for birth, lineage, station or fate. Your typical hero? A handsome prince or feisty princess, or the same robbed of their birthright, or some pig farmer 'destined' to fulfill a prophecy (and incidentally, found a new lineage of handsome princes and feisty princesses).

Such is the modus operandi of the opposition. You'll find not a homely or overweight one in the bunch. It sickens me, it truly does. My own policy on the hiring and advancement of staff is strictly merit based. They are all self-made men and women. Literally, in some cases.

At the end of the day, I couldn't care less how many tumors or buboes your face may harbour, though I might politely request you sit at the other end of the table when it comes to organization-wide meals. You say you're the twisted offspring of a cannibalistic she-troll and a dark sorcerer? I say you've got the best of two worlds. Leprous seers, corpse-eating ghouls, swamp witches with the evil eye, they've all got their place under the vast umbrella of evil, because what matters at the end of the day are results.

Just remember who you work for, I remind them periodically. Or else.